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current mood :

im walking in the rain. i find myself trying to wash away the pain.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

pain.

Everyday I look at myself at the mirror and put a smile on my face even though my feelings is eating me slowly. On the whole day I laugh and smile still inside I felt nothing but pain. Of cos i cried at nights.

Some may say that I am too EMO, but I’m not. I’m not one of those self proclaiming EMO who has perfect lives. I am a person who hides behind a mask.

I make people laugh, I cheer them up on the times that they feel low. Why? Because I don’t want them to feel as if they are alone in this world like I always feel. But sometimes I questioned myself, “After I had made them happy, after I had cheered them up, who? Who would want to make me smile, laugh and cheer me on the times when I feel low and when I feel alone? “

My other conscience would answer back “No one, you are just another unimportant person in this world. Its your job to make others happy, do not expect that you would be happy too. No one cares, no one will and no one can. Nobody can understand you. No one but yourself can love you. Don’t expect something that you can’t have.”Again and again everyday, I kept repeating that to myself that I can only trust myself and no body else.





You may see me smile. But inside, I bleed. Thank you very much.

1 pembebel berjaya:

nAqUiAh UmAirAh said...

atien, kite slalu rasa alone dlm idup nie wlaupun hakikatnya ramai insan yg care about us.. kite yg sebabkan diri kite x sedar tentang perasaan org sekeliling kite.. n diri kite gak yg sntiasa rasa bahawa kite alone walaupun hakikatnya ada jerk insan yg bg semangat kat kiri kanan, all around us..

i pon slalu rasa mcm yg u rasa.. urm, rasanya lg tepat kalu i kata yg i sentiasa rasa mcm tu.. tp bila i bukak hati n minda i utk lihat hakikat idup yg sebenarnya, i sedar yg terlalu ramai insan yg amik berat pasal i.. cuma i sendiri yg tutup hati utk nampak semua tu.. bahananya, i sentiasa rasa lonely.. maybe di sebabkan sikap menutup hati utk terima kasih org sekeliling la yg wat i susah nk rasa bahagia even i selalu kasi kebahagiaan kat org sekeliling i..

myb kite kena sama-sama belajar terima hakikat yg sebenarnya org lain pon really care bout us..

but in de other hand, i rasa ada gak bagusnya bila kite sentiasa rasa lonely mcm nieh.. sbb kat situ la kita akn belajar utk lebih hargai n sayang diri sendiri, coz we felt like nobody will love us; cuma kita je yg akn hargai n syg diri sendiri..

whatever u feel, believe me, i always loved u n i wish i could b a good friend n always b wif yu in ur difficult times.. i really love our friendship...